All the hype of the new pitching prospects from Japan is far from over. Move over Matsuzaka and make way for Chewbacca!This impressive left hander hails from the snowy mountains of Kashyyyk and is shown here putting on a clinic for the MLB scouts yesterday. Accompanied by his agent Princess Leia (yes, she really is a princess), Chewbacca wooed the scouts by pitching fastballs in the 124 mph range! However, his most impressive pitch is the never before seen, furflip ball that moves like a butterfly on crack and is deemed impossible to hit by the likes of A-Rod and Barry Bonds. This pitch just comes natural to Chewbacca because it utilizes his raw arm speed and hairiness to accomplish the strange ball flight.
Rumors abound throughout the league over who will jump to sign the big fellow that stands 7'11" tall and weighs nearly 700 pounds. Sox GM Theo Epstein was quoted as saying, "Holy Crap! I wish I wouldn't have squandered all my money on that gyroball joker!". George Steinbrenner was all smiles and hoped to see Chewbacca in pinstripes come April.
Since Chewy (as he prefers to be called) is not from any country, at least on earth, he can be purchased for whoever the highest bidder may be. It pretty obvious that the leading candidates are the Yankees and also the San Francisco Giants that are planning to dispose of Mr. Bonds in order to free up the cash need for the acquisition.
Baseball expert Donny Prater was quoted as saying, "This puts a whole new paint job on the face of baseball. Finally, there can be a merger between man and alien man-beast! This is what the people want." Mr. Prater went on to say that he wouldn't be surprised if the likes of Sasquatch (aka Bigfoot), the Abominable Snowman, and the Chupacabra don't come knocking on the MLB door.
So a new and exciting chapter in the saga we know as baseball is opened. May the force be with us all!!!
5 comments:
I heard that his agent wanted at least $50 mil and a case load of scooby snacks just to talk to her client. I'm not sure he fits in with the Giants. But I hear the Colorado Wookies are interested in him.
There was a rumor being floated by Peter Gammons of ESPN that according to a high ranking MLB official that Chewie is not the only off-worlder that teams are looking at during the Winter Meetings.
The word at the Walt Disney Resort is that a mysterious black-garbed 7 footer has arrived with his entourage looking to make a deal with anyone "who understands the power of the dark side."
It is unclear as to the "dark side" of what (the Boston beat-writers quickly assumed the Yankees), but speculation is that this black-garbed individual possesses the ability to read pitches before they are thrown, and has been known to change the minds of umpires with a stern look.
Word is that everyone may be interested. Even teams that were once not interested quickly became interested in his ability after meeting with him.
Before this gets out of hand, I just have to say that the Bluejays just signed the Super Robot Monkey Team, the Devil Rays have signed Captain Caveman, and the Power Rangers are looking at the Cubs.
And I hear there's a rumble in the East, the Far East that is! Godzilla (the real one) is stomping into Seattle to sign with the Mariners. The only problem is that he wants his son Godzooky signed to a Minor League deal. We'll see where that one goes...
Just heard that a tall guy with pointy ears was being shopped around by superagent Scott Boras.
According to ESPN, he's looking for a team who will give him a contract that will allow him to "live long and prosper."
This just in: It was reported that a 7 ft. tall talking yellow bird was signed by the Cardinals, as announced by his agent, Mr. Grover at a press conference. Cards ownership is happy with the signing in a push to draw more families with small kids to teh ballpark.
(This News brought to you by the letter "B")
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